Note by the Sugar Bowl

If I had to leave a note

by the sugar bowl
on the kitchen table
and that is all I could tell
anyone about life
before I left,
what would I say?

As if the pen in my hand
began to write
beyond my thoughts
beyond any part of the me
that looks in a mirror
like a breeze through
an open window
came the words
"Learn how to love"

It's the most important thing
you'll ever do
It will make your
heart sing
It will break it
wide open

It will take you
to the mountain top
and bring you
to your knees

It's the only thing
worth living for

It is more than
romance
It is answering a
baby's cry
in the middle of the night

Days of silence
and misunderstandings
It is steadfast and certain
even if we aren't

When all else fails
turn within
to your proverbial heart
and seek it

It is always there
sometimes wrapped
in blankets
sometimes surrounded
by brick walls

One brick at a time
open up
and love will come
spilling forth
running over

And you will be alive
more alive than you
can imagine

Yes, if I could leave one
small note
one small bit of hope
It would read,
"Learn how to love"

cDeby White Jizi  2013

Beach Comber

I walk the beach

looking down

My focus so keen

oblivious to anything

except what lies

near my feet

I'm looking for shells

mother of pearl

little treasures of the sea

I find more

an apple core

a gummy bear

and what looks like 

a whole jar of 

maraschino cherries

dumped and now

being washed to and

fro with the incoming tide

I find my treasures

Occasionally I look up

and startled

I'm back in a noisy world of

families by the sea

An Indian traveler

who is wearing men's underwear

as a bathing suit

I wonder if he knows this

He poses for a picture

taken by his friend who is

fully clothed

A fair-skinned baby

toddles toward the waves

a thousand watchful eyes

could not protect her

like the mother who

scoops her up

The sun is setting low

on the horizon

the air is cooler

My fist is full of shiny gems

Back to the world

to the squeals of children

splashing in tidal pools

I pick up a discarded can

of ginger ale and

put it in the trash

filled with broken chairs, 

umbrellas and floats, that 

have lost their ability 

hold air

I walk home happy.

cDeby White Jizi  2013

Chilly November Days

Sun shines
at a piercing angle,
blinding bright
Trees flash
oranges, reds, yellows

Parents rake leaves into piles
while children dive in them
Laughter fills crisp air
hair stands on end

The dog barks in
protest and play
tail wagging as
leaves fly in the breeze

The pile is gone now
rake and laborers
begin again, smiling
Knowing this dance
could go on
all afternoon

The sun fades
lights from the warm house
beckon us to dinner
cold hands and noses
protest going inside

Just a little longer
but there's homework to do
a warm meal waiting
Before we know it
the sun is gone

All around
mothers call children
to dinner
Another day has passed,
not one minute
of Autumn
wasted

cDeby White Jizi  2009

Betrayed

I knew she would believe me
and not you.
To save myself I did it.
So young to feel within me
that your skin would fail you-
but not fail me.

I liked you,
but I feared her more.
When you told her what I did,
she asked me
with that gleam of disbelief
in her eye.

I saw an opening,
and I took it,
but not without sorrow.

When I looked at you,
I could see your hurt
at me
at the way the world
heaped itself unfairly on your
shoulders
at your lost faith
in people

At six, I had done that.
Lied to save myself.
I wish you had understood,
and maybe you did.
Mary, I was wrong-forgive me.

cDeby White Jizi 2009

In Mommy's Arms- a Lullaby

In Mommy's arms

sleep in peace
inside soft fleece,
safe,
warm,
in Mommy's arms.

Birds and babies
cozy in the nest
bunnies slumber
as night brings rest
snuggled close to
momma bird's breast

Fireflies light and
crickets sing
stars and moon
look after you

all is well
all is warm
baby's love
in Mommy's arms

cDeby White Jizi 2013

Knowing

Sitting in the shade, I am cold.
The sun is over there.
All I have to do is move,
but I don't.

c DebyWhite Jizi  2013

Cleaning My Closet

I was given a broom

and told
go clean your closet
but
I could not focus
upon
the task at hand

What about the world?
All that suffering?
What am I to do about it all?

So I sat down
broom in hand
and suffered too-
my closet
left untouched

Tasting my salty tears
I realized
My suffering
my sadness
did not help
the suffering of the world

Drying my eyes
I picked up the broom
and began
to sweep
in one small corner


cDeby White Jizi 2011

Morning Walk at Sunset Beach

Striped cabanas in all forms of disarray
succumbed to wind too forceful for aluminum poles
overnight ghost town of wealthy tourist waste
Everyone's beach

Pink volleyball net tied to PVC pipes
to the south the tall hotels at Myrtle
North American Buenos Aires
Here shrimp boats line up like battleships
beach chairs rusted half-covered in the
blowing sand
Boys and girls play tae-bo  with the waves
boogie boards shield the blow

Salubrious View
the name of the house we are renting
Sand dunes are now protected
where 25 years ago
I walked in my adolescence
pondering the world in this natural place

Once barren blowing sand
now sea oats, shrubs, and lilies
home to the belching frog, salamander,
snake, and jack rabbit

A passerby calls
"You are brave. The wind is really blowing!"
I smile and walk on
The wind reminds me that I am part of it
it calms me
blows right through me and purifies my heart

Like the blue crab, I retreat into my cave
as the heat of the day rises and the sun
bakes beach goers slathered in aromatic oils
crows stand quietly, as if meditating, in the dunes
facing the wind, on watch for something

When I come here, I know who I am
I know what I love

Like a church choir, the cicadas sing
their hymn
the toads join in
and the birds follow in the chorus
and I pray this song will not end

cDeby White Jizi 2002

Stolen

The house is empty now
empty of her
empty of everything
literally
As if the Grinch has come
and taken every morsel
and every remnant
of a life that is now
definitely over

Yet it was not the Grinch
but his wife
who after 45 years declared
No More!
and exactly 30 days
before she took her last
breath
had kicked him out
for good

No regrets about that
but about the 45 years
wasted
the regrets were too heavy 
to bear
too much for the
weakened body and soul
to recover from
So heavy were the 
regrets
that she had died from them

Now standing here
in this empty house
without her
without the things she had collected
to make a home
No more
That's what she did
When she changed the will
Wrote him out
Had her daughters rent
the Uhaul
and clean out the place
the very day she left
to die
at the nursing home

Her last words to him
were no words at all
She saw him that last time
for the girls
But when he came
she pretended to
sleep
After he left, she turned
To her oldest daughter
and whispered,
"Did you get it all?"
and when the answer was 
"Yes"
a long pleasure-filled
"Goooood" came from her
weakened voice
revealing the feisty woman
she had once been

Now standing there
in the doorway
he longs for his former life
but it is gone
not gradually but
suddenly
and never to be the same 
Again

It is No More

cDeby White Jizi  2003

Ghosts

Love was Perfect
for about two weeks

that's when he fell 
off the pedestal
she had put him on

Maybe he was different
"not like Daddy"
Not like she made this 
analogy consciously
something stronger, more
primitive was driving her
to believe in the ghosts

Those school girl days
walking with the neighborhood kids
A man, hungover, leaning
on a strange woman
"Hey, ain't that your
Daddy?"

Now he sits there
across the table
dinner is cold
"Where have you been?"
Defiant, he doesn't like
the question, the tone
Stubborn, he refuses to answer
That is when the ghosts came back

Her love broken
and every time
she didn't know
where he was
he was with one of them

In forty four years there
must have been 
hundreds
Perfumed, red-lips
beautiful and alluring
She never saw them
because he was so clever
at hiding them
she said

Truth is
nobody ever saw them

Whatever he said
she never heard
She believed in them
she always had
She had seen them
in the arms of her 
father all those years
ago

Since then the ghosts
had been real
and they haunted her
for the rest of
her life

cDeby White Jizi  2004

In Response to "If You Forget Me" by Neruda

 

If you Forget

I never will

I never could

because you are with me

a part to never be severed

For if my love be true

then

you

and

I

are

One.

So if you forget, if you can

I'll remember for the both of us

and the love that danced between us

once

dances in eternity

dwj 7/7/12

Sharing a Poem

We connected through poetry
I regret I sent them all back to you

The poems were a piece of your soul, your spirit 
And I didn’t want them if I couldn’t have you
It would have been just too hard
So I sent them back

Only now I wish I had them
I wish I had that piece of your soul with me now
To remember, to connect to you
To experience that oneness once again

To know the love we danced in together
Something concrete, solid to hold onto

But love is not solid
And though a poem can capture the mood
Like the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon
It cannot be love

Love is not contained in a poem or anywhere
And even now, without your poems, the love is here
And everywhere
Between us, around us, in us, ever present

And it dances in the universe
Connecting us in eternity

 Deby White Jizi 12/23/12